All but one of these titles was a Song Fight! title. That is, I didn't think up any of the titles but I did write and record all the songs over a period from 2006 to 2010.
!!!ALL SONGS IN A ZIP FILE!!! Download, unzip, put it on your iPod, etc.
Dedicated to the eternal glory of the Mallet Assembly.
Ok, these lyrics are pretty dumb. Just barely a song, really. But I really like this music. It's dumb in an EPIC kind of way. That's why its the first song here.
Originally I thought the music for this was so unoriginal that I wasn't even going to submit it under the Flvxxvm Florvm name, I was going to try to sneak it in anonymously. But really, how could I not want to take credit for a song that includes the line, "I'm the Spider-Man of the blues"?
Following the previous song into blues territory. Some of the guitar sounds a little bit like the intro to "Wanted, Dead or Alive". I'll leave you to decide if this is lame or awesome.
Fairly bad recording, sloppily timed and the vocal is all mic-poppy. It actually sounds like something you could record while in prison. Which is kinda the idea.
This was the "live fight" from Song Fight Live 2007. I came close to winning the live drunk-person vote, largely because I wasn't the only Jeff there and some people couldn't remember which Jeff I was.
The joke here is two completely different songs with the same lyrics. Double. Get it?
This was originally submitted under the name "Jeff Robertson and the Neo-Candylanders". A happy sounding song with some pretty depressing lyrics. Just FYI, the fish that this was written to died shortly afterward.
Another sad country song. As hard as it is to believe, this is not as sad as they get.
This is. An out and out tear-jerker. Also, blatantly religious. I am neither endorsing nor mocking Christianity here, but using it as a necessary ingredient for the kind of song this is trying to be.
Ok, the depressing country songs are over (for now). This happy little number is some of my favorite guitar on the album.
Yup, a song about facebook status messages. Aren't I hip with all the up to date lingo?
Bitter little pop rock song, inspired by reading 4chan's /adv/ board.
Sound samples used in this song include some audio from Star Blazers.
Someone described this as sounding "like something George Thorogood would have come up with if he'd had Garage Band back in the 70s". Personally I think that's pretty awesome.
This is about a girl who takes off everything in front of her webcam except the ski mask that hides her face.
This was deliberately designed to be like something that a race of fantasy monsters would listen to while getting drunk and dancing.
The "keyboard" in the fade out is actually guitar converted to MIDI
Back to blues land, this time pretty damn angry. This is the only song that was not an actual Song Fight, but it was "premiered" on the boards over there.
This was going to be an instrumental, but I wrote some brief verses and tacked them onto the beginning.
As far as I can tell, this is the only blues, rock, or rap song besides "Long Tall Sally" that is actually about finding a skinny woman attractive. A preference for fat chicks runs deep in the DNA of rock-n-roll.
One of the reviewers said, "this song is mostly square waves". He meant it as a compliment. Probably the physically loudest song of the bunch.
I've only been very briefly in the Amsterdam airport. But I know the stereotypes people have of the place, so when called to write a song named after it, I knew what to do.
Yup, it's a quiet one.
This started as a semyi-attempt to write Yacht Rock, but ended up more like a weird kind of 50's music.
The only song on here with real drums, provided by Andrew Reist. How to describe this song? Hmm... what if Led Zeppelin and Black Sabbath were the same band, and they wrote songs about Star Trek? Well it's not as good as that probably sounds (as if anything could ever be), but that is the general musical idea. Cameo by honorary Mallet Assembly member William Shatner.
Another mean-spirited little ditty to bring the album to a proper end.